We can all recognize the symptoms of emotional fallout – anxiety, depression, frustration and conflict – which are the cause of much distress. How many of us try to ‘manage’ our lives for years, convinced that one day the sun will shine again, or become resigned to sadness and despair as our lot? Either way, the voices in our heads become louder and more insistent and we become slaves to the parasitic virus called self.
During the developmental years of life we internalize various cultural norms from our parents, care givers, teachers, social media etc. These tell us we need to be a certain way to be worthy of approval. Driven by fear, we act out in all sorts of bizarre and destructive ways that hurt us and others, yet we seem unable to change or control them. Thus we become grounded in self loathing and dependent on life being a certain way for us to be ok. Our emotional wellbeing depends entirely on others or external circumstances over which we have no control.

We have to drop these expectations of perfection in ourselves and others which feed our instinctual fear of not being lovable, of being rejected, by admitting that our way is not working and that we need to change in order to be free. Change by its very nature cannot be known in advance, and it’s this uncertainty that we find so uncomfortable. We prefer to stick with the familiar even though it imprisons us. We don’t know how to navigate the unknown, and it is our experience that we do not become free without a solution beyond ourselves.

Emotional Sobriety Assessment

Take responsibility for meeting our own needs.

Our anxiety-based need for approval, acceptance and emotional security is the basis of our emotional dependency. Our low self esteem makes us very focused on and concerned with the approval or disapproval of others. If we don’t love ourselves then we will do all kinds of things to make ourselves lovable. Emotional sobriety on the other hand encourages taking responsibility for meeting our own needs.

The 12 Steps are a map, and we are going on a quest to find this power greater than ourselves, becoming spirit-centered rather than self-centered. Each step contains the necessary awakening to move us forward to the next, until our whole way of life has been reconfigured and we can be ok under any circumstances, touching lightly without causing harm.

These are all capacities that can be practiced and developed over time whether we are in recovery from addiction or not – they are applicable to all human beings in our efforts to become fully functional, emotionally sober and whole.
We can all recognize the symptoms of emotional fallout – anxiety, depression, frustration and conflict – which are the cause of much distress. How many of us try to ‘manage’ our lives for years, convinced that one day the sun will shine again, or become resigned to sadness and despair as our lot? Either way, the voices in our heads become louder and more insistent and we become slaves to the parasitic virus called self.
During the developmental years of life we internalize various cultural norms from our parents, care givers, teachers, social media etc. These tell us we need to be a certain way to be worthy of approval. Driven by fear, we act out in all sorts of bizarre and destructive ways that hurt us and others, yet we seem unable to change or control them. Thus we become grounded in self loathing and dependent on life being a certain way for us to be ok. Our emotional wellbeing depends entirely on others or external circumstances over which we have no control.

We have to drop these expectations of perfection in ourselves and others which feed our instinctual fear of not being lovable, of being rejected by admitting that our way is not working and that we need to change in order to be free. Change by its very nature cannot be known in advance, and it’s this uncertainty that we find so uncomfortable. We prefer to stick with the familiar even though it imprisons us. We don’t know how to navigate the unknown, and it is our experience that we do not become free without a solution beyond ourselves.

Take responsibility for meeting our own needs.

Our anxiety-based need for approval, acceptance and emotional security is the basis of our emotional dependency. Our low self esteem makes us very focused on and concerned with the approval or disapproval of others. If we don’t love ourselves then we will do all kinds of things to make ourselves lovable. Emotional sobriety on the other hand encourages taking responsibility for meeting our own needs.
The 12 steps are a map, and we are going on a quest to find this power greater than ourselves, becoming spirit-centered rather than self-centered. Each step contains the necessary awakening to move us forward to the next, until our whole way of life has been reconfigured and we can be ok under any circumstances, touching lightly without causing harm.
These are all capacities that can be practiced and developed over time whether we are in recovery from addiction or not – they are applicable to all human beings in our efforts to become fully functional, emotionally sober and whole.
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